You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need a beard to bite.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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