my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
