And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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