You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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