did you get engaged???
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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