Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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