So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
