$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
