my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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