Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
