Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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