his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
