You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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