I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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