i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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