I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
