I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
