I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
