turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
