I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
