Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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