No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
