Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
