you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
