I saw his package. It spoke to me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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