What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
