Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
