My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
