and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
