hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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