You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
