I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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