Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
