i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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