This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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