It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
