dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
