took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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