OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
