Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
