went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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