I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
