3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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