dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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