Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
