He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we're making bets on your personal life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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