i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
