Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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