I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
