Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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